The V

Stupid cunt rail workers! I WANTED A DAY OFF!

ON THE FUCKING LIST!

Is the strike off?

Ace! I would have been really annoyed if all the train users got a day off.

Yes. Also: FUCK OFF

To the little fuck living downstairs:

OK, dude, I understand that you're young (you look sixteen-ish) and you like dope (me too.) But listen: if your spliff falls into your mattress, and it starts fucking burning, you do WHATEVER IT IS NECESSARY to put it off. You DO NOT wait until your upstairs neighbor (that would be me) wonders where all that smoke entering his apartment is coming from. You DO NOT say "nuthin'" and "no" when asked if anything's wrong and if something's burning. You DO NOT tell the police to "break in, if you want to." You put it off IMMEDIATELY, not after it's halfway burnt. PEOPLE COULD HAVE DIED, ASSHOLE.

YOU! ON THE LIST!

(On the other hand, now I can smoke weed all day and if anyone detects a faint smell, they'll immediately think it is you. Fucktard.)

Lazy reporters ... ON THE FUCKING LIST!
If there's something to cover, go and goddamn cover it. Don't do something else and then go to the fucking public access station, roll tape on the event and take notes. DO YOUR JOB!
Lucky you're not my reporter. Be out of a fucking job in half a second.

tell more...

Basically, I was told by a person at the public access station in town that my reporters are welcome to stop by and watch film of coverage-worthy events "just like the reporters at the other paper do." When I asked what this person meant, I was told that the reporters watch things on tape that they didn't go to, and then they write stories as though they were actually there.
And then my paper and my one overworked reporter and I get told how we don't cover enough stuff like the other paper does.
Grrrrr...

It's my own fault for watching Fox News in my hotel room while stricken with food poisoning, but:

Dore Gold, former Israeli ambassador to the UN and Likudnik thug! When someone asks you a question on TV, answer it! I don't even want a straight answer - just make a statment that has the barest, slightest relevance to what the interviewer said! Not once in my entire life have I seen you do this! Not once!

List.

Fucking hell!

An unfortunately common event in my town as well. Thankfully not THAT common, but a certain element of reportorial laziness is frequently in play.

WALKING PEOPLE:

YOU ARE NOT LIKE ME, NOR DO YOU DESERVE A WHEELCHAIR IF YOUR LEGS HURT.

We do if we're really, really fat, though.

If they're really cute can they ride on your lap?

Put your belly on a walker chubby. ;-)

Get off the internet and enjoy the con!!!!

I was there from 10 to 6? I'm exhausted!

There are exceptions to every rule.

I'm sure you've run into what I did.

I get in the elevator with this couple about my age when the girl says "I feel your pain"

At first I think she's talking to her boyfriend because I wasn't in any pain, but he says nothing. I politely ask what she means

"I fell today and couldn't get get up for a couple minutes"

"I'm pretty sure I have you beat" We all laugh.

"Well, thats true, but I have empathy now that I know what it feels like"

I smile and nod and get the hell out of there.

THE FATES

When I adopted my first daughter from China, I had to wait about 5.5 months before I could go and pick her up.

I'm adopting a second girl now. I'm into my eight month of waiting and it looks like I'll be going to pick her up ... sometime in 2008. Aarrgghh!!

Is Frank Quitely drawing her?

That is GENIUS. I'm going to go up to blind people, close my eyes and say, "I feel your pain".

And they'll reply, "Why, are you blind too?"

Maybe standing in front of deafies with my fingers in my ears?

Walking around on my knees in front of dwarves?

My disabili-mocking skills are failing me.

Shouting "WANKERS!" at Tourette's sufferers.

People of London:

When a bus approaches and it's completely full of hot sweating people, you let it continue and wait for the next bus, which is only about 10 minutes away and will be less full. YOU DO NOT CRAM ONTO THE BUS AND MAKE THE OTHER PEOPLE ON IT (ie. me) EVEN HOTTER!

You stupid STUPID bastards!

What!? Last I heard, wait times were around the 12 month mark. Has it just jumped drastically?

As of right now, yes.

Until recently, it would take China a month to process a month's worth of adoption dossiers. Now it's taking them a month to process one week's.

Despite having a wonderful time for the most part, by the end of the vacation Elise was exhausted and our last day in SD was marked by her getting her foot run over by a loaded down bike taxi who spun round her at speed while she had a walk light and he decided he was going to spin round her and go right while she went straight.

Result: swollen foot she can hardly stick her foot into and nasty bruises. I doubt it's broken, but she's off to the doctor's (normally I'd just x-ray it, but she wants to get something for the inflammation) and that just capped off a rather stressfull week for her as she's quit smoking and had her last puff last night.

Quitting smoking during a vacation may not have been the best idea as she was stressed and frazzled from day one, however, she was a trooper and managed not to kill me while I stranded her in SD to walk round the con and meet Karen and others.

She's naturally stressed by crowds and I was surprised that she lasted as long as she did at SDCC (although she didn't go in, the street crowds were enough).

Thankfully the party at Bandar Grill was lovely (if a bit chaotic) and we were sat next to some great folks who chatted with us most of the night and helped put Elise at ease.

She's well exhausted now though.

So...bike cabbies who don't fucking stop to see if people they've run over are okay ON THE LIST, and quiting smoking while on vacation ON THE LIST.

She managed not to kill me over my rather...errmmm...stress inducing mountain driving from Vegas to Palm Springs to SD, so that's something.

Ten minutes away? Less full? Are you insane? I wouldn't wait ten minutes for a bus if there was one in front of me. I can barely stand to wait ten minutes for a bus when it's the absolute only option available to me. As for 'less full', ten minutes is time enough to fill ten buses. That next bus will be more full, not less.

Did you like home town otherwise?

Fucking Brangelina!