The V

Dearest Marvel,

Having mistakenly asked Frank Cho to draw six issues of a series that is absolutely pivotal to the evolving shape of the Marvel universe and the next major crossover, thus leaving this fundamental fictional fulcrum several months late, might I suggest that instead of getting Mark Bagley to churn out the next several issues in his traditional slipshod ugly manner, you just print another of those handy two page spreads and just explain what happened? I think we'd all prefer it.

Actually, if all your stories could be two page spreads from now on, I think it would mark a significant upturn in the quality of your storytelling.

Kindest regards,

It's like going to a four-star michelin restaurant for your main course and then nipping to Maccy D's for a McFlurry for dessert.

NICE MOVE, MARVEL!

Also, I just read that fucking GIANT SIZE AVENGERS horse-shit from the Favoured Store and would have been WELL fucked-off if I'd paid for it. The Goodbrey story was all right and the comedy Fin Fang Four one at the end was all right, but what the fuck was up with those bridging stories by Cheung? Did we all just decide sexism was all right after all? I was half expecting Black Widow to introduce the next segment with, "Hmm, me flicking my bean reminds me of the time Moon-Knight tried out for the Avengers."

I blame C.B. Cebulski who, after Chuck Austen, seems to be comics horniest writer. "My costume has snake slime on it. I guess I'll just go fight in my bikini and mask."

Why were the only three Avengers sent to fight the women? And why did we only catch the end of the fight, but got a lovingly decompressed rendition of them washing and sunbathing after the fight? It really creeped me out. It's this kind of T&A that's not even drawn attention to and we're just supposed to accept that is really icky. EUUUUW! LADY BOOBS!

And where was all the goo on their costumes coming from. Is there an adult out there that really thinks snakes emit slime when you touch them.

Wait, what?

Yeah, but these were EVIL snakes.

What are you two talking about? I feel the need to hunt this down, now.

Slimy snakes, never mind the battle here's the sexvengers and casual sexism in the mighty marvel manner sounds perfect!

Here's the gist.

I tried to read Mighty Avengers #7 at the store yesterday and all I could see was everyone snarling and sniping at each other and Tony Stark acting paranoid. This is what constitutes an entertaining comic to Bendis?

--Dan

*Insert joke about Bendis's dialogue tics here.*

Probably needs more boobs by Frank Cho.

Preview of New Avengers Annual #2

Yeesh poor Tigra

She just can't catch a break, can she?

Having almost no pre-House of M Avengers knowledge, has she always been like that or only under Bendis?

old West coast stuff showed her as a player, not a furry whipping post.

I'm pretty sure at least some of the pre-Bendis writers would have had Tigra either rip out Hood's intestines or die trying rather than give up a bunch of her friends. Englehart and Stern, most certainly.

Shooter wrote her as incompetent, but he didn't seem to have a vendetta against the character like Bendis does.

Gad, this time she's completely naked. It wouldn't be quite so bad if she got slapped around while fully dressed. What the fuck is wrong with this man and why doesn't anyone stop him?

Did she not move house or anything since the last time the violent criminals broke in and attacked her?

Thats all very well until they bring her Mum into it

I actually quite like this Tigra stuff, some heroes are underpowered, and its a great idea for loads of heavies, that she would struggle to take down one of, do a captain sensible thing and beat her around for info. I still hope she gets some revenge in though.

And it gives her some much needed characterisation, other than playing the pointless furry minx all the time.

I hope she gets a revenge/redemption arc out of this, but I fear Bendis is heading towards a traitor's comeuppance, because he just doesn't like that hairy little cocktease.

Which is why she would go straight to Iron Man for owing her big time.

I think he's doing ti now just to fuck with the people who notice.

You see, this is why I've soured so much on Bendis- if he's doing half this stuff to pick a fight with the Jesse Bakers of the world, what's the point of doing it at all?

--Dan

Would be interesting to see who's left from the West Coast Avengers who Bendis hasn't dabbled with...

Scarlet Witch - crazy
Tigra - slut
Iron Man - arsehole
Hawkeye - killed / returned from the dead

And I still wonder what happened at the end of the Avengers issue with Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch? He opened and door and...?

Is the Vision still around and intact?

I'm surprised Living Lightning isn't dead yet. He has two Marvel strikes against him: a) on West Coast Avengers and b) gay.

Vision was torn in half by She-Hulk, mysteriously not rebuilt like he has been every other time he was destroyed that badly or worse, and then his body and programs hijacked by Young Kang, except not really Young Kang, he just uploaded his own memories into the Vision's body and so now the Vision has both the memories of Vision and Young Kang and doesn't act like either of them and OH CHRIST SHOOT ME NOW.

Dear God,

Thank you for the temporary amnesia that allowed me to forget all of that.

Sincerely,
Kim's Brain

Alarmingly, a quick look at Wikipedia indicates numerous errors on my own part because the actual truth is even MORE complicated!

I thought it was just that Young Kang's armor is running the Vision's software on it?

That would be one of the things I thought I got wrong; quite frankly, reading the wiki entry made me even MORE confused than ever, to the point that I have absolutely no idea just how much this Vision should be considered to be "the" Vision, or what the hell actually happened to The Vision.